Loving Your Partner Through the Holiday Stress
Learn How to Love Your Partner Every Day - the Way God Taught Us
The holidays are arguably the most stressful time of year for many people. And that makes perfect sense when you think of all the family and holiday traditions, gatherings, and gifts you have to plan for, and that’s not even taking into consideration other peoples expectations for you and how they’d like you to celebrate the holidays (yes, I’m talking about your family here). But what happens to your relationship when you’re under all that stress?
Usually, nothing good.
When you’re stressed, worried, or overwhelmed, your partner is the first person to feel the brunt of your frustration and the last person to be prioritized for your time. How fair is that to the person you love and value most? How fair is it to you when your partner treats you with the same lack of consideration and love?
It doesn’t feel good to give or receive that frustration and oftentimes, it can be explosive because of the incredible amount of stress that people feel around the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are first and foremost supposed to be about God and yet we often place Him on the backburner during this time of year as well. I doubt He enjoys it any more than our partner does.
So what are we supposed to do during this stressful time? How are we supposed to love our partner? Let’s look at the Bible for some guidance here.
John 15:12 - This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
1 Corinthians 16:14 - Let all that you do be done with love.
1 Peter 4:8 - And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”
Colossians 3: 14 - But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.
Romans 12:10 - Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
Ephesians 5:25-33 - Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Hebrews 10:24, 25 - And let us consider one another to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Ephesians 4:2, 3 - with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Romans 13:8 - Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.
God tells us to love each other as He loves us - to be affectionate towards each other, to be kind, to honor and respect each other, to complete good works for each other, to treat each other as equals, and to love with gentleness and longsuffering. Merriam-Webster defines longsuffering as “patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship.” That means loving your partner through the good times and the bad times.
As traditional wedding vows state “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, to love and to cherish”. It’s easy to love each other when things are going well, when you have the same opinions and beliefs, but what about when that’s not the case?
When the holiday stress is infiltrating your life and you and your partner are having a conflict around family and religious traditions, values, and beliefs? When your in-laws are staying with you for a week, or the new baby hasn’t learned how to sleep through the night and yearend deadlines are looming?
Then, it can be hard to love each other the way God tells us to. It can be even harder to love each other when our partner does something that we don’t agree with. But the Bible says to love each other with lowliness (humbleness), longsuffering, and gentleness. God doesn’t say that it’s easy to love the way He tells us to, but He does set the example. He loves us when we dismiss Him, don’t follow His commandments, dismiss the Bible as anything less than His literal book of history, law, instruction, and guidance, and even when we turn our backs completely on Him and renounce Him. He still loves us, His love is greater than any parent’s love for their child. He loves us even when He doesn’t agree with us, or we frustrate Him, or we are passive-aggressive to Him, or we yell and are upset with Him. He loves us through everything.
So how can you love your partner the same way? It won’t be easy, but I believe that your relationship is worth trying to learn to love this way.
10 Ways to Love Your Partner
Download my free essential guide “30 Days of Gratitude for Your Partner” to help you love your partner better!
Pray for your partner regularly
Work through the hard times - practice longsuffering, gentleness, lowliness, and love
Actively look for the good moments and embrace them with your partner
Focus more on your partner’s positive traits - don’t let the first signs of imperfection change your whole relationship
Respect and honor your partner
Complete “good works” for your partner - find ways to help them
Practice the 4 aspects of kindness - take the initiative, be gentle, helpful, and willing
Invite your partner to have an open conversation about expectations - your expectations, their expectations, and relationship expectations
Practice active listening - be present in the moment; learn how to acknowledge and validate your partner to help them feel more heard by you
Relationships are hard work, don’t let Disney, the Hallmark Channel, or RomComs tell you otherwise. If you’re married, then you’ve made a lifelong commitment to living and loving another person for the rest of your life. This is arguably the biggest decision any of us will make - who do we want to love for the rest of our lives?
Learning how to love can dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction and happiness. How do you love your partner? If you are struggling with learning how to love, that’s okay! Schedule a Discovery Call with me and we can explore different skills and practices that you can do to help you learn how to love your partner the way God wants us to love each other. I look forward to exploring this with you!
