Friendships + Relationships
The Importance of Having Friendships Outside of Your Relationship
Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash
Do you consider your partner your best friend? Is your relationship built on a solid foundation of friendship? If so, that is wonderful! The happiest and most successful relationships are often built on strong foundations of friendship. A 2017 study found “those who are best friends with their partners have the largest well-being benefits from marriage and cohabitation… the well-being benefits of marriage are on average about twice as large for those whose spouse is also their best friend.” Being best friends with your partner can increase your happiness dramatically. To learn how to build and strengthen your friendship with your partner, check out this blog post: A Foundation of Friendship.
After your partner, who are your closest friends? How much time do you spend with them or do activities and hobbies together? Do you and your partner double-date with other couples? Do you each value other friendships outside of your relationship?
According to the Mayo Clinic, having close friends helps “increase your sense of belonging and purpose, boosts your happiness and reduces your stress, improves your self-confidence and self-worth, helps you cope with traumas, and encourages you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits.” Our friends are incredibly important in our lives, to our mental, physical, and spiritual health. Without them, we would not have a strong support system to help us when are struggling with the ups and downs of life.
Maintaining our friendships outside of our relationship also helps us maintain our individualism too. It’s easy to get into a relationship and focus so much on your partner that you stop doing things you enjoy and stop spending time with your friends and family. Especially in the “honeymoon stage” where it feels like all we can see is our partner and how they are so perfect.
But it’s important to hold onto your friendships and your sense of identity. Your friends can help you hold onto your sense of identity. They can help you see red flags in the early stages of a relationship and can help you exit an abusive relationship. They are also a great way to explore and discover new hobbies and continue learning about yourself, your likes, dislikes, and discover new goals and aspirations.
Having at least two close friends - your partner and one friend outside of your relationship also increases greater well-being. This study found among men and women ages 22 to 79 years old that “among people with best friends, having at least 2 high-quality relations, not necessarily with a spouse, is associated with greater well-being.” Having a close friend outside of your relationship can benefit your well-being throughout the duration of your life.
We’re all heard of the idea of having “couple friends” - friends who are also couples that you and your partner can double date with. This is another great option for creating friendships. Double dates and “couple friends” can provide a chance for more quality time with your partner while also spending time with your friends and maintaining your identity. It can be fun finding and making new “couple friends” with your partner and discovering what activities and hobbies you may all enjoy together.
5 “Couple Friends” Date Ideas:
Go hiking and camping together for a weekend. Set a group goal to hike all (48) 4,000-footers in New England.
Buy an IKON or Epic ski pass and ski all the mountains on the pass together.
Check out all the breweries and/or vineyards in your state/region together.
Go contradancing, salsa dancing, or any type of dancing together.
Take turns hosting game nights.
Friends can help you find new activities and adventures that you wouldn’t have normally thought of on your own. Finding people you enjoy being around while respecting differing opinions, and bringing fun and laughter into each other’s lives is so healthy and can really help you create a happier life.
A word of caution about friendships:
Your friendships are not places to vent, disrespect, condescend, or speak poorly about your partner to others. Ensure you have strong boundaries in place and that you follow them. Your friends are meant to bring happiness and support into your life, not drama because of something your partner has done. In the moment, we may want to vent and disparage our partners to our friends so we can feel validated, but we often forgive our partners and move on from conflict and challenges. Our friends usually aren’t so forgiving towards our partners and may treat them differently if we complain to them about our partners.
What happens in your relationship should stay in your relationship. You shouldn’t be gossiping about your partner to your friends - no matter how tempting it is. It is also just as important that you defend your partner when your friends talk poorly about them. You need to set up strong boundaries so that your friends understand they can’t disrespect your partner in your presence. This helps you to value and respect your partner internally while also showing your friends just how important your partner is to you.
Gossiping and venting about our partners can be incredibly easy to do and we’ve all done it. I know it is hard to stop yourself from venting to your friends, but remind yourself that your relationship problems can only be worked out with your partner, not with your friends.
If you are struggling with making friends and/or setting boundaries with friends around your relationship, I invite you to schedule a Discovery Call with me! We can explore how Relationship Coaching may benefit your relationship!
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Thumbnail Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash
