Nurturing Your Relationship through Healthy Communication
What is Healthy Communication and How Can it Help Your Relationship?
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
Communication in relationships can never be overlooked or undervalued even though we all struggle with healthy communication styles at times. Learning how to communicate with your partner is one of the biggest struggles couples have and can be a challenge throughout the duration of the relationship if you and your partner don’t continue to actively learn and practice healthy communication styles. To learn more about the benefits of good communication and how to practice active listening, check out this blog post. Healthy communication in a relationship involves expressing yourself openly, listening actively and respectfully, and finding ways to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.
Key Elements of Healthy Communication:
Openness: Both partners are willing to share their thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly with each other. Openness relates to vulnerability and intimacy as well. To learn about 10 ways you can build intimacy in your relationship, check out this blog post.
Active listening: Both partners take the time to actively listen to each other, showing empathy and understanding.
Respect: Both partners treat each other with respect, avoiding blame, shame, criticism, judgment, or disrespectful language.
Constructive conflict resolution: When conflicts arise, both partners work together to find solutions that benefit the relationship rather than just one person.
Non-defensive communication: Both partners are willing to hear feedback from each other without becoming defensive or attacking each other.
Timing: Communication should be done at the right time and in the right manner. This means taking into account each other’s schedules and moods before having important conversations.
Understanding of nonverbal communication: It is important to pay attention to nonverbal cues like body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. This can help partners understand each other’s emotions and needs better.
Communication is tricky because we as humans can be complex. We all communicate in slightly different ways, we all create assumptions and develop perspectives based on our personal life experiences and we all argue from a standpoint of “I am right, and you are wrong”. It takes work to create awareness around our communication patterns and even more work to change communication patterns that are not serving us in our current relationships.
7 Ways to Develop Healthy Communication in Your Relationships
Express your feelings: Be open and honest about how you are feeling, rather than keeping your emotions bottled up. Use "I" statements to communicate how you feel without blaming your partner.
Listen actively: Pay attention to what your partner is saying and show that you understand by repeating back what they have said. This can help avoid misunderstandings and promote empathy.
Validate your partner: Let your partner know that you understand and appreciate their feelings, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. This can help your partner feel heard and understood.
Use humor: Humor can be a great way to lighten the mood and diffuse tension during difficult conversations. Just make sure to use it in a respectful and appropriate way.
Take breaks: If a conversation becomes heated or emotional, take a break to cool down before continuing. This can help both partners avoid saying things they may later regret. Studies show that these breaks should be a minimum of 20 minutes long and during that time period, neither you nor your partner is thinking about the topic the conflict or misunderstanding is around.
Practice active problem-solving: When conflicts arise, work together to find solutions that benefit both partners. This can help build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Show appreciation: Express gratitude and appreciation for your partner's efforts in communicating openly and honestly. This can help build a positive environment for healthy communication to flourish.
While understanding some of the key elements of heavy communication and steps you can take to develop healthy communication in your life is beneficial, it is also important to learn how your partner communicates. If you and your partner communicate with different styles, you both may be misunderstanding each other often, which can lead to frustration and resentment within the relationship.
One way to learn how your partner communicates is to learn their love language. The term “love language” was coined by Gary Chapman, and refers to the different ways that people express and receive love in relationships. These love languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. If you don’t know what your love language is, I invite you to take one of Gary Chapman’s quizzes. Your partner can also take one of these quizzes. Make it a fun little date night!
Understanding your partner’s love language can dramatically improve your relationship and your communication style. You are better able to understand your partner’s needs and communicate in a way that resonates with them which can lead to a deeper connection with your partner and fewer misunderstandings. You’re also better able to show appreciation in a way that your partner actually feels appreciated. When you base your communication style on your own love language, and not on your partner’s love language, you are often communicating in a way that doesn’t resonate with your partner. This same concept can be applied to how you express love to your partner. Once you know your partner’s love language, you are better able to express love to your partner in a way that they feel acknowledged and cherished. Lastly, learning and communicating with your partner’s love language helps to build intimacy between you two. To learn more about the five love languages, check out this blog post.
5 Date Ideas to Help You Cultivate Intimate Conversations with Your Spouse
Take a walk: Taking a walk together can be a great way to connect with your partner and have a conversation. Walking side by side can help promote a feeling of closeness, and being outside in nature can help reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Have a picnic: Pack a basket with some of your favorite foods and head to a nearby park or scenic spot for a picnic. Enjoy the food and each other's company while you talk about your hopes, dreams, and desires.
Try a new activity: Trying a new activity together, such as a dance class, cooking class, or painting class, can be a fun way to learn something new and connect with your partner. You can use the activity as a jumping-off point for deeper conversations about your interests and passions.
Have a game night: Spend an evening playing your favorite board games or card games together. This can be a fun way to relax and enjoy each other's company, while also fostering a sense of competition and playfulness.
Plan a weekend getaway: Take a weekend trip together to a new city or a scenic destination. This can be a great way to escape from the stresses of daily life and connect with each other on a deeper level. Use the time to talk about your future plans and aspirations, and to reconnect with each other emotionally and physically.
There are many other date ideas that can help nurture intimacy in your relationship, you just have to try a few to find the ones that work best for you and your partner! You’ll find that many of the date ideas I suggest in this blog are for outdoor dates. That’s because there are studies that show being outside in nature can have a positive effect on communication and the quality of your relationship. Other benefits of being outside include: reduced stress, increased physical intimacy, reduced distractions, improved mood, and enhanced creativity. So whether it's taking a walk in the park or going on a weekend camping trip, spending time in nature can help improve communication skills and foster stronger relationships.
Many couples struggle with learning and communicating with each other’s love languages as well as other healthy communication tools that can be used to improve the quality, happiness, and longevity of your relationship. Don’t feel bad if this is something you’re struggling with. There are many ways you can find support for these relationship challenges, including scheduling a discovery call with me to explore how coaching may benefit your relationship.
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Thumbnail Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
