How to Rebuild Broken Trust and Honesty in Your Relationship
10 Steps to Lead Your Relationship Back to Trust and Honesty
Photo by Amanda Sixsmith on Unsplash
Broken or fractured trust and dishonesty in a relationship are incredibly hard to fix. So hard that many people don’t succeed in repairing it or even attempting to repair it. Some fractures may be easier and quicker to fix than others: for example, it’s easier to repair trust that was fractured from a missed phone call or date than it is to repair from an affair.
The important thing to remember when working through broken or fractured trust and dishonesty is that it can be repaired - if both partners want to make the repair and are willing to put in the necessary work. These types of repairs are not quick or simple, they take time, patience, and lots of open communication. If you are suffering from an affair, emotional or physical, there are many therapists and coaches who are out there to help support you through this process. If you are interested in working with me, you can schedule a Discovery Call and we can explore your healing process together.
Everyone heals from broken trust and dishonesty differently, but here are some steps that you and your partner can take together to work towards a functioning, healthy, and happy relationship again.
Allow yourself time to feel and understand all the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that you are experiencing. Spend time reflecting and digesting your thoughts and feelings.
Decide if you want to repair or end the relationship.
Verbally make the commitment with your partner to repair the relationship, if that’s what you’ve decided to do. Place value on both your and your partner’s individual desires. If one of you does not want to repair the relationship, the repair cannot be forced and will most likely not be successful.
Take responsibility and accountability for your actions and behaviors that led to the broken or fractured trust and dishonesty. Your partner will also have to do the same. Even in affairs, both partners can find things that they each could have worked on to stop the affair prior to it beginning. Whether that’s putting in the time and effort each week to have a date night, spending 5-10 minutes each day of dedicated time with your partner, distraction-free, or being honest about your wandering thoughts and desires with your partner. Often partners seek out affairs because they don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated at home. Explore this with your partner.
Discuss what led to the partner seeking out the trust-breaking behavior. What changes need to be made in the future to correct the negative behavior? What can each partner do to hold each other accountable for developing positive behaviors? Take turns being the listener and the speaker during this conversation.
Learn and practice new, effective, and healthy communication styles. A breakdown in communication can lead to further fractured trust and dishonesty.
Make and accept repair attempts. Both you and your partner will need to be open to making and accepting repair attempts throughout the healing stage. Practice an attitude of forgiveness and acceptance here, while letting go of anger, blame, and any feelings of injustice.
Schedule a weekly date night and make this time a priority. Create rules around this date that may include no cell phones, no kids, and no friends. This is a time to get reacquainted with your partner and discover what you still love about them. Fiercely protect this time. Work to make your relationship a priority again.
Create new relationship rules and guidelines. Discuss each other’s expectations, hopes, and dreams for the future of the relationship. Define what each of these looks like for you both.
Pray for your partner and the relationship. Seek an attitude of forgiveness, repentance, gratitude, and appreciation for yourself, your partner, and your relationship. Practice praying for your partner and your relationship daily and see what changes happen throughout your relationship.
If you are looking for ways to build trust and honesty in your relationship after you’ve repaired it, check out our download 10 Ways to Build Trust and Honesty in Your Relationship or read our blog post 5 Ways to Build Trust + Honesty in Your Relationship. This is not an easy, quick, or painless process and if you are looking for someone to support and coach you in your time of need, you can schedule a Discovery Call with me and explore ways I can support you in your journey.
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Thumbnail Photo by Amanda Sixsmith on Unsplash
