Do You Know (and Love) Who You Are?

The Importance of Knowing Yourself Before Seeking a Committed Relationship

Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

Who are you? Who are you, really?

It may sound like a silly question, but I’m very serious. Do you know who you are? Have you taken the time to sit down, think, pray, and meditate about who you are? What is your life purpose? Or life purposes? What are your values, boundaries, morals, ethics? What would you die for? What would you live for?

What are your fundamental beliefs? Which of your beliefs are flexible? Why? What makes a fundamental belief, fundamental? What about your core values? Have you defined those? How do they show up in your life?

What family, religious, and holiday traditions are important to you? Why? How do you practice those traditions? Which of those traditions would you like to teach to your children?

What new traditions would you like to teach to your children? Why? Have you thought about how you would like to raise your children? Do you even want children? Why? Why not?

You may be thinking that these questions are a bit heavy for a first date, and you may be right. It depends on where you are in your life and what you are looking for in a life partner right now.

But these questions aren’t for you to ask a potential partner, they are for you to think, reflect, and pray about. They are for you to answer. Because if you haven’t thought about these questions, and their answers, then you probably haven’t taken the time to sit down and get to know yourself beyond your surface-level likes, dislikes, hobbies, and certain affiliations (religious, political, etc.)

Photo by David Iskander on Unsplash

Now let me ask you this: if you don’t know who you are and what you stand for, how will you know what to look for in a life partner? How will you be able to set healthy boundaries and communicate your core values and fundamental beliefs to your potential partner if you haven’t taken the time to discover what those are for yourself?

It’s quite difficult to express your boundaries, values, and beliefs to a potential partner if you haven’t done the work to discover what they are for yourself. And it’s incredibly easy for you to give and give and give on unconscious boundaries, values, and beliefs during the honeymoon/infatuation phase. Before you know it, months, maybe years have gone by and suddenly you realize that you aren’t happy, fulfilled, or even content, because your boundaries, values, and/or beliefs have been violated, ignored, or completely disregarded, by you and your partner.

This type of unhappiness and discontent can be relationship-ending, and unless you take the time to realize your part in the relationship, you will repeat the same mistakes again and again.

The first step in avoiding this very common dating trap is to sit down, think, pray, and meditate on these questions and take your time answering them. I want you to find the answers that are hidden deep, answers that you may not want to acknowledge right now because they could potentially risk your current relationship, friendships, and/or family relationships. And then I want you to breathe and simply sit with those answers.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

Learn who you are. Then, learn to love who you are. Be thankful for your body, your beliefs, your faith, your core values. Acknowledge that they may not align with everyone around you and rest in the acceptance that it’s okay if who you are doesn’t exactly match the perception that you have created and shown to your circle of influence.

Be curious. Be excited. Try new things. Meet new people. Smile and see what happens. Be grateful, for the little things and the big things. Find your peace, whatever that may look like for you.

And then try dating. Once you are confident in who you are, and love who you are, your energy, confidence, and values will be on full display for all to see and you may attract many potential partners that could lead to happiness with a life partner.

If you would like help while exploring these questions and dipping your toes in the dating pool, schedule a Discovery Call with me! I would love to coach you through this process and explore what your happiness and love life could look like!

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Thumbnail Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash