Appreciation + Gratitude in Relationships
The Importance of Appreciation + Gratitude in Relationships
Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash
The idea of gratitude has become a huge part of today’s society. Everyone wants to practice gratitude in their daily lives. But what exactly is gratitude + appreciation? How do you incorporate a gratitude mindset into your relationship? What does having gratitude for your partner actually look like?
Next week, we’ll discuss what gratitude in your relationship looks like + give you some examples but for today, I want to explore this idea of incorporating a mindset of gratitude + appreciation for your partner + your relationship. If you’d like some examples now, you can download my 30 Days of Gratitude for Your Partner Guide!
For now, let’s start with the basics. Merriam-Webster defines gratitude as “the state of being grateful: thankfulness; a feeling of appreciation or thanks”. Merriam-Webster defines appreciation as “a feeling or expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude; judgment, evaluation (especially: a favorable critical estimate); sensitive awareness”. There are slight differences, although both center around a state or mindset of being grateful. The biggest difference is that gratitude is only about being grateful whereas appreciation is about both being grateful and expressing or feeling admiration for the person as well.
But why is everyone talking about the importance of gratitude? An article published by Harvard Medical School discussed multiple studies that have been completed on the idea of gratitude + the potential benefits it may have on your life. “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, + build strong relationships.”
Multiple studies have found that “bringing people’s awareness to benefits that they have received from others results in them feeling loved and cared for by other people. In romantic relationships, feelings of intimacy and closeness are influenced by the perception of a partner’s responsiveness to an individual’s wishes and needs. Gratitude also has the effect of promoting an individual’s focus on the positive qualities of their partner, along with being aware of their partner’s needs and wishes.”
When you practice gratitude + appreciation in your relationship, you are building a solid foundation for your relationship. You are developing a strong social bond, creating a sense of trust + intimacy, + working on your communication skills with your partner.
The Bible tells us to be thankful in everything we do, so why wouldn’t we be thankful for our partner + our relationship? 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Psalm 100:4 says “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful for Him, and bless His name.” Philippians 4:6-8 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.” (Emphasis added).
Showing gratitude + appreciation for your relationship is about how you talk + think about your relationship, rather than your partner. Do you view your relationship as more positive or negative? Do you praise your partner or dismiss and complain about them when you’re out with friends? We so easily fall into habits of complaining about relationships when things are difficult but we tend to have a much harder time sharing good things about our relationship. Do you struggle with this?
So how do you practice gratitude + appreciation in your relationship + for your partner? No act on their part is too small for you to have + express gratitude for. You can be thankful for the smallest thing like your partner pouring you a cup of coffee in the morning or brushing a piece of dirt or lint off you. Start small if you are not practicing a gratitude mindset in your relationship right now.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself to help you evaluate your gratitude + appreciation mindset towards your partner + your relationship:
How do you view the idea of gratitude + appreciation? Do you value gratitude?
Is it important to you to be thanked + appreciated for your input, investment, + service to the relationship?
How do you respond when your partner expresses gratitude to you? Notice your physical + mental response. Does your body relax + your breathing continually normally? Do you feel tension + tightness in your body + worry about why they are thanking you? Do you think “it’s a trap”?
How do you express gratitude in general? To your partner? Evaluate your behavior patterns here. What tone, volume, + pace do you usually use when thanking your partner for something? Do you rush through this gratitude? What is your body doing at this time? Are you smiling? Do you have ulterior motives for thanking your partner? What thoughts do you notice when thanking your partner for something?
How often do you express gratitude + appreciation for your partner? How do you express your gratitude + appreciation? Do you say, write it out in a note or text, or give them a hug?
Take some time to notice + evaluate your own mindset around gratitude. Is it hard for you to express gratitude + appreciation in general? Some people think that showing gratitude makes them weak, is this a thought you have? If so, why? Explore where that mindset originated. Do you prefer sharing gratitude in one way more than another? For example, is it easier for you to express gratitude over text or in person?
Download my 30 Days of Gratitude For Your Partner Guide now for 30 daily ideas + challenges to help you incorporate gratitude into your relationship. I developed this guide as a way to create happier, more sustainable relationships. The ideas are based on Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages, so you should be able to find ideas that work for you + your relationship!
Lastly, how often do you express gratitude + appreciation for your partner + your relationship? It may be easier for you to show gratitude + appreciation for your partner when they do something “big” for you, but what are the small, daily things your partner does for you? Today, I’d like to challenge you to share your gratitude + appreciation for your partner every day for the next week. Make it something big or small, but share at least one thing that you're thankful for your partner for/thankful that they did something to help you.
If you are really struggling with this idea of bringing a gratitude mindset into your relationship, please schedule a Discovery Call with me + we can explore this together. Let me know how you show your partner gratitude!
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Thumbnail Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash
